Sweet, Precious, Darling, Needy Children

"This is hard."

I said that to myself last night around 8pm as I was changing Jack's diaper. The having-two-kids thing. It's hard. 

Most of the time it's fine. It's manageable. It's fun! My cup runneth over. But sometimes it's hard. Sometimes they are both so needy in very different ways and I feel like I can only be a good mom to one of them. 

Ellie wants one on one attention and play time. These are actual things she said to me yesterday:

"MOMMY. Come sit down! I need to snuggle with you!"

"Mommy, can you please do this puzzle with me?"

"Mommy, do you want to paint with me?"

"But Mommy, I need a friend to play with!"

And then there's the buddy boy. He doesn't talk, but if he did, I expect he'd be saying the following:

"HEY. WHY DID YOU JUST PUT ME DOWN?"

"HEY. HOLD ME IMMEDIATELY."

"Hey. I know your hands are full and you're trying to accomplish something like helping my sister on the potty but while you're in there I thought you'd like to know that I just spit up all over everything."

"Hey. I want this pacifier really bad but you're gonna have to just sit here and hold it in."

"Just hold me or I'll scream till I almost pass out." 

"I'm super cute. You know you can't resist me. HOLD ME WOMAN."

So, last night, I fed him a bottle around 9:00. He fell asleep. I put him in his little rocker and finished watching American Idol. I ate a bowl of cereal. I went to bed. 

Grant just left the house around 5am. He woke me up to say goodbye. It was at that point that we both realized that Jack had never woken up. 

Y'ALL. He had a bottle at 9 and then I just fed him again at 5:30. EIGHT HOURS. 

GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS JACK. 

It's these precious little glimmers of light that remind me that this little season is short. I can do this. 

I can do this, even if do have to sit at the table doing a craft with Ellie while also wearing Jack in a carrier and I hypothetically drop a little bit of glue on his head. Hypothetically. 

The Family Photos and an Honest Confession

Hi, and welcome to 2016.

2016. That sounds like the name of a Sci-Fi movie. HOW ARE WE IN THE YEAR 2016?! We might as well be saying 2054. It sounds the same.

Recently, I posted on Facebook (and a few on Instagram) some gorgeous photos my friend Sarah took of us a few weeks after Jack was born. I asked her to come over to take a few photographs of Jack, as well as a few of us as a family so we could have something decent for the Christmas card.

I didn't want it to be super formal or fancy. I got up, picked out a decent outfit and spent a little time on hair and makeup, but not much, as Sarah was coming over in the morning hours and we had just experienced a very sleepless night with Jack. I was trying to make our house look relatively clean while also making myself look like some semblance of a woman while also feeding Jack a bottle and getting breakfast for Ellie.

I was fine with how I looked that morning -as fine as I could be at that point postpartum - and I was thrilled to have my sweet friend spend the morning with us. Sarah did such a great job with the photos and I am thrilled with how they turned out. Here's a few in case you haven't seen them:

Not gonna lie, this picture of my husband kinda makes me swoon. 

Aren't they the sweetest? 

The thing is though, I'm gonna be really honest with y'all for just a sec. 

We've all been friends for awhile, right? I mean, I've been blogging here since 2007 so I guess I feel like we're old pals and I can kinda tell y'all anything. 

So I'm just gonna say it. 

When I first looked through these pictures, I welled up with tears for the following reasons:

1. My babies are beautiful and they are a blessing

2. These pictures are beautiful and Sarah is so talented

3. I can't use any of them because I am so much larger than I thought that I was.

That's vain to say, I know. Sorry. I'm just being honest. This isn't one of those "tell me I look pretty" kind of confessions, this is a true, "OH MY GOSH MY FACE IS SO PUFFY AND MY TORSO IS GIGANTIC AND LOOK AT MY LEGS" kind of moments. 

Listen, I KNOW that this is normal for a few weeks postpartum. I know that this is normal, at this stage, (and even well beyond this stage!) for me to not be back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I am still, on this very day (with Jack being 2 months old on the 4th) wearing maternity pants. I can't wear the vast majority of my shirts. This is normal. I know. I'm not down on myself for not having the weight off already. I didn't expect myself to be "back to normal" (whatever that means) at this time. 

It's not realistic for me (or anyone!) to be back to their pre-pregnancy weight in just a few short weeks after delivering. I had a c-section and it's not like I am doing high intensity cardio workouts at this point to get rid of the belly. In addition to that, our amazing friends and family cooked us amazing, glorious, high-carb, wonderful food for weeks and weeks and I gladly ate ALL OF IT. No shame. 

I'm not upset with myself for not getting the weight off yet. 

I just looked through these pictures and thought I couldn't use them. 

"I can't send this out in a Christmas card."

"I can't post these on Facebook, or on my blog."

"I'm not going to blow this up on a canvas and hang it on the wall of my house. I'm too big - it's not a picture of myself that I like or I want to see."

I'm not someone who obsesses about my weight, but I just didn't like the Puffy McPregnant Face going on in all of these pictures. My eyes went straight to my flaws.

I know this isn't the way I should be thinking. And I'm not fishing for compliments here, I'm just being honest about where my mind went and what I've struggled with. 

But... (and here's the big but)

God reminded me of something. 

These pictures - these gorgeous, gorgeous photographs - they are such a beautiful depiction of what life looks like in THIS season. This season with a precious, darling, newborn baby boy and my spunky toddler girl. 

At the tail end of 2015 - this is what I looked like. 

Why? Because my body had just gone through something radical and my body is still recovering. At the end of 2015, my face was full and my belly wasn't flat and that's okay. My kids are worth every single pound. Every single one. 

I'll get it off. I'm not in a major, giant hurry. I'm not going to starve myself or run 8 miles a day. I'm taking strides in 2016 and I'm going to work on getting it off. I should probably start by not eating 2 Oreos before bed every night - however that night is not tonight. I had my Oreos, thank you very much. 

What I'm getting at is, I am now looking at these photos with new eyes. My eyes still see the flaws, but I see them now almost with pride. I did this. My body did this for my kids and this is a very accurate image of what life looks like at this stage. 

So, I posted them. Here they are, on the blog, for all the world to see. 

Hi, my name is Jenny and I had a baby 8.5 weeks ago. I will wear my cute jeans another time. For now, I embrace the elastic. I will hold that little snuggle bug and kiss him and tell him that I would go through anything to have him in my arms and thank the Lord for the abundant joy and privilege that it is to be Jack's mommy. 

Christmastime Was Here

Well, today is December 28th. I last blogged on December 3rd.

The Best Blogger Award of 2015 goes to Jenny of So.Many.Words. Blog!!!

Or not.

Sorry, y'all. We are just in the thick of it over here. I really think that having an infant AND going through the holiday season is it's own brand of insanity. It's not bad, but it just adds a level of complicated. A happy complicated, but complicated nonetheless.

So let's do a quick little recap, shall we?

Christmastime was here.

We decorated and Ellie loved all of it.

She had her first dance recital:

She totally nailed it and was so enthusiastic she had us crying with laughter. At the end she said, "Mommy, I do that one more time."

Grant and I took advantage of the grandparents being in town and headed out to an ugly sweater Christmas party with some friends:

It was so fun to go to a social event. I didn't realize how badly I needed to get out of this house!

Ellie also had a little Christmas program at school. She sang a song about Mary and Joseph riding on donkey and she wore a Biblical costume and it was all just a little too much. 

Between the dance recital and the school program, I am finding that our Ellie girl is quite comfortable on the stage. Her maternal line is full of performers and drama queens, so I'm not all that surprised, but it was just so fun to see her step into those shoes. Welcome to the fun of performing, Ellie girl. Wait till you get a laugh for the first time... then you're destined to a life of entertaining for sure!

We also enjoyed one of our favorite yearly traditions which is going to look at Christmas lights in River Oaks with my BFF Lindsee. She sat in the backseat this year between my two (sleeping) kiddos as we looked at the grand homes and fun displays. Every year I pick a house, stand in front of it, take a pic, post it to social media and say "Merry Christmas from my home to yours!". Most people know I'm kidding but some don't and it's always funny to get the "I didn't know you were a bajillionaire" reactions. 

Christmas Day was sweet. It was hard not to be with our family in Louisiana, but with Jack being not even 2 months old it was just a little too difficult to coordinate travel logistics. But we had a sweet morning here at the house with cinnamon rolls and coffee and our babies. Here's Ellie after she opened her gifts:

She's been asking me for a "neck-a-lace" for a long time now so she was thrilled when she pulled this pink one out of her stocking. She also received a little Doc McStuffins animal vet kit and some Sofia characters. She also got a craft set, some Chapstick of her very own (I'm tired of her smushing mine down to a nub!) and some new games for her LeapPad. It was fun to watch her open them!

Jack got some rattles and some pajamas and some Baby Einstein toys. He seemed pretty pleased as well. We are so thankful to have him with us this Christmas. Here he is enjoying his loot.... or staring at the ceiling fan. Either one!

We spent the rest of the day at my parents' house with my sisters and the kiddos and my wonderful mom and dad - and it was just a really nice, relaxing day. It was approximately 90 degrees outside so it felt super Christmas-y and seasonal as you can imagine. 

The weather is trying to redeem itself, however, as today there should be a windchill here of 32 degrees. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, TEXAS. 

Thankfully, we spent the Sunday indoors taking down Christmas and tackling house projects that we have been meaning to get done. The utility room is cleaned out, the papers in the office are filed, Grant cleaned the closet (BLESS HIM) and I did about 2 months worth of laundry. Okay, 2 months might be an exaggeration but it ain't that far from the truth.

Jack is going to be 8 weeks old in a few days and we are just madly in love with that boy. Even at 4am. I'm working on a "Newborn Must Haves" post that I plan on publishing in the next few days - there have definitely been some things that we just couldn't live without. 

I couldn't let December come to a close without posting an "I'm alive" post - so yes, I am alive. I'm sorry it's been so long. I usually write when the kids are sleeping and I'm feeling inspired. It's a RARITY that they are sleeping at the same time and due to the lack of sleep I am inspired next to never so I seized this opportunity!

Happy last week of 2015! 

Newborn Days: The Days are Long But the Nights are Longer

Tomorrow Jack will officially be one month old. On one hand, I feel like he's been around a lot longer than that. On the other hand, I can't think of what we've been doing for a whole month. We haven't gone anywhere! We haven't done anything!

Oh yeah.... I've been sitting in this house snuggling this little bubby:



It's been sweet. Combined with the frequent feedings, the cold and rainy weather, and the fact that Jack hasn't gotten any shots yet, we've been spending a ton of time cooped up in the house. We've had such sweet family time.

The tree is up,


The stockings are up,


And Ellie is finally healthy again!

That was the cold that just would not go away.

We have ventured out a few times... to my parent's house for Thanksgiving, to BabiesRUs for a few necessities.... the other day the kids were both asleep in the car:



That lasted for over 30 minutes. That was a straight up gift from God. I mean it. Sleeping babies and Christmas music and no talking. It was glorious!

A lot of people are asking "so.... how's it going?" Here's what's going on around here:

Jack is a really good baby..... about 22 hours of the day.

Between 7pm-11pm he usually has a few very unsettled hours. Lots of squirming and fussing and crying and screaming - it's hard to get him settled down. I'm not sure what exactly is happening but by the time I feed him his next bottle he usually calms.

He wakes twice a night to eat and will usually go right back to sleep. Every once in awhile if he slept a whole lot during the day he will have some wide awake hours from 2-4am and he wants to have a staring contest.

He also is on some kind of cruel schedule where he will only poop between the hours of 12am and 4:30am. Never during the day. Only in the middle of the night. It's very special.

At night he will go 4 hours between feedings and that is a blessing. I am quite tired when Ellie comes down to visit at 7:00am, however I do a really excellent job of parenting and I give her the iPad and she plays for an hour while I sleep a little more. Some call that laziness, and I would agree. MAMA NEEDS TO SLEEP.

As of right now, Ellie is at school, Grant is in his office working and Jack is in my office with me while I'm writing this blog.

He's sweet.



I'm eager for the next few weeks - I feel like babies kinda turn a corner around 6 weeks and a lot changes. I'm ready for less frequent feedings and perhaps some sleeping longer stretches in the night. I'm also ready for him to "play" with me - the smiles and the giggles and the cooing. It's my favorite.

But for now, I'll take the snuggles!