Sunday, February 28, 2016

Red Carpet Recap: Oscars 2016

It's OSCAR NIGHT! This date has been written in my calendar for months and months. Yes, I'm a person who writes major award shows in her planner because I know that I need to be writing one of these things for y'all and I can't be double booking myself. Several years ago I didn't plan ahead and we were in Disney World on Oscar night and I was using crappy hotel internet to write a blog and it was just not my best moment. So I schedule this business! 

As usual, I'd like to remind everyone that I am sitting on my couch in yoga pants, a t-shirt from Target, no makeup, and my hair in a pony tail. I also got my eyebrows waxed yesterday and I had some kind of a reaction to the wax so I have a million little red bumps all over my brow area. Every person in this recap looks 10 million times better than me. I am writing silly things about red carpet fashion that I know absolutely nothing about. Most of my clothes come from Old Navy. All these people are fabulous and beautiful and should pay no attention to this stay-at-home-mom from Katy, Texas and all of her foolishness. 

Without further ado.... LET'S GET IT STARTED IN HERE

This is really cool and unique. I would not have chosen yellow but the dress itself is cool. The bottom reminds me of ice cream and I have very positive feelings about ice cream. 

Y'all know how I feel about this color. LOVE. I don't love the little jellyfish tentacles billowing around her but the cut and the belt and the train and the color are just gorgeous. 

"Oh, fashion designer person... This dress is beautiful. Thank you for designing it for me. I love the color of it and I will look amazing in it. My only request is that you add a lot of silk flowers to it, especially on the shoulders. No, bigger. BIG. SILK. FLOWERS. I want to look like a Butterfly Garden. Yes, that's it. Thank you."


Okay they are kind of precious. Her dress is super cool. Why she chose to not use this occasion as the perfect excuse for a blingy necklace is beyond me. 

LOVE this. I want her ring and her earrings and her bracelet. She's like one giant diamond. I would wear this to all the fancy places I go.  #Kroger

She is SO CUTE ALL THE TIME. And look! A bump!

Earring perfection. Bump perfection. I totes looked like this for both of my pregnancies. Except add like 4 more chins and about 3 more inches to the arms.

This pattern was also on a dress I got at Gadzooks in 1997. 

Four different bridesmaid dresses banded together and forced themselves onto Heidi Klum. She chose to wear 3 corsages as her accessories. 

When I see pale red heads look like this it gives me all kinds of hope for my future. #PaleRedheadsUnite

Don't get too close to Jared Leto.... his flower tie squirts ink at you. And his shoes look like Little Debbie Cupcakes. 

WINNER. Y'all. I LOVE this. Love. It's so very Oscar's and classy and she just wins. Love her. Love.

I want her haircut. 

One of the better things she's worn lately. Her earrings look like washers, but I'm gonna let that slide. 

I'm all conflicted. The cut of this dress is perfect for her. I'm just sad the designer put down the taffeta  fabric and instead chose to use Glad ForceFlex.

Once again, Skinny McPencil has arrived. 

"I just got a bunch of fabric and gave it a tuck here and a fold there! A tuck! And then a fold! A tuck, and a tuck, and a FOLD FOLD FOLD! I'M JUST SO HAPPY ABOUT IT!!!"

Listen, Olivia Pope. Why are you all chummy with your dad again? He's bad news, sister friend. And don't start getting all jealous over Fitz. You left him cause you didn't want that life. FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT. 

Bedazzle that jacket!

Is it a dress? Is it pants? It's both?! It's like the Skort of evening gowns!

Oh, Leo. As I write this, your category has not yet been announced... but I so hope you win. You are the Susan Lucci of the Oscars. 

"Wrinkle up some foil and I'll wear that."

I just like them very much. 

I actually really like this for Mindy. She takes risks a lot... and this isn't nearly as quirky as she usually goes with but it's still got a lot of character for her and I think she is just beautiful.

I don't like the color orange but this is a great dress. (Edited to add: when she presented an award on the show the dress looked much more red and it was so much better.)

What does this dress remind me of?

Oh, there it is...

The back of this is very cool. The front of it had her ta-ta's everywhere. 

"I'm not wearing socks, and I'm not smiling."

This reminds me of wallpaper in a restaurant bathroom. 

RACHEL. I adore her always. She looks great and I love this color. 

Reese in purple! Excellent choice, lady!

Her number one goal in life is to never smile, ever. NEVER.


I was so overwhelmed by the hair color and the texture and the choke collar.... I didn't know what to say about this. I texted this pic to my friend, Tiffany, and said "Say something funny about this." She wrote back:
So I'm gonna go with that. 

Sarah announced the nominees in a category and as she talked and told her jokes, Grant said "Her body moves independently of her dress" which was exactly right. It was weird. Also, is she dating Michael Sheen now? Are they a thing? How interesting...

I am so glad she is detouring from the same mermaid silhouette she wears all the time. She really is just so beautiful. 

Bangs and a Bowtie, y'all. Bangs and a Bowtie. 

Oh, my Tina. Her dress is beautiful and her necklace is amazing. I would like her hair to be a little softer but all in all she's a gem. 

What is happening with the hand jewelry

Her purse has a pony tail!

The award show was funny but weird and the "Thank You Ticker" at the bottom of the screen was hilarious and awesome. I would like to have a thank you ticker for major events in my life. After my next birthday I'm going to send a video out to my friends in my family and underneath it will be the Thank You Ticker:

"Jenny would like to thank the following people: Her sister for the Target gift card..... Grant for sending her off for a pedicure....", 

Or can you imagine people using a thank you ticker after a wedding? Or a baby shower?! Just send all your guests a link to a YouTube video and have a Thank You Ticker scrolling across. Easy peezy. 

Goodnight, my friends. Thanks for reading :)

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Yesterday Was My Fault

Yesterday was not my best mama day. I'm gonna go ahead and own that. It was not a good day around here, and it was probably my own fault.

Jack woke up at 5:30 for a bottle and after he finished it he decided to stay awake and play rather than go back to sleep. I was snapping out of a deep sleep and wasn't quite ready to be awake for the day, but I didn't have much of a choice. I tried to be happy and cheerful, which wasn't all that hard at first because Jack was laughing and smiling and just being his chubby, happy self. But as the hours ticked by I was still tired and he became less content.

To add on to all of this, it was a gloomy, rainy day and I was just wanting to curl up on the couch with a blanket and do nothing. But my children - they do not allow that kind of a day.

I was snippy with them. I was cranky. I put my workout clothes on thinking that we would go to the Y and I could run off some of my bad mood, but we never made it. Ellie wasn't being a good listener, she broke something, she spilled something on the couch, we went to the grocery store and it was raining and I unloaded all the groceries and she was asking approximately 479 questions (THAT IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION) throughout all of it.

At one point I said, "I DON'T WANT TO ANSWER QUESTIONS ANYMORE." She actually just said okay and walked away. Remind me to try that strategy again.

Around 1:30 or so, I texted Grant and said "I could use some prayer. I'm in a horrible mood and she's not helping."  He called and we talked a bit - I told him that I was just cranky and this was probably not as bad as it was in my head. It was one of those moments where my kids probably could just blink and I would feel like they did that wrong too.

Admittedly, my child is indeed chatty and opinionated and if you aren't in the right kind of mindset for that kind of enthusiasm and energy and demanding-ness then the day can be a little trying. That was yesterday.

At one point, Ellie got in trouble for breaking something that I had told her not to touch. After she finished crying, we hugged and kissed and I told her that I loved her. She said "do you forgive me, Mommy?" I told her "of course." And then she said "Mommy, I forgive you too." Now, what she was implying was that she forgave me for putting her in time out for breaking something that she had been told not to touch. She disobeyed. She was put in time out. There's no reason for me to be apologetic about that. But when she said it, I realized that I wasn't being a very nice mommy yesterday. I was snippy, dismissive, and feeling sorry for myself. And that kind of attitude isn't what makes a joyful home.... and I really do strive to have a home full of fun and joy. It's the best way to live life.

I kept trying to snap out of it. I prayed. Listened to some good music. Ate a cookie. Had another cup of coffee. But I just couldn't do it.

When I woke up this morning, I was so thankful. It's a NEW. DAY. Me and my babies are going to have a new day. God's mercies are new every morning, and I got a fresh start today and another chance to stop whining about how tired I am (and how hungry I am) (I'm still not eating pasta or bread) (words can not express how badly I wanted Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and a Diet Coke yesterday) and move forward with a day where I'm actually productive and kind to others.

Today is a better day. And I'm very thankful for that.

Monday, February 22, 2016

The First Lie

I've been waiting for this to happen - I knew it was only a matter of time. Thursday was the first time my daughter looked me in the eye and blatantly lied to my face. Repeatedly. And she got caught.

We've been having an issue that started a few weeks ago. When we'd get home from school I would unpack her backpack and clean out her lunchbox, only to find that she had not really eaten her lunch at all. Maybe a few blueberries but that was about it. We kept talking about the importance of eating her lunch - especially since she hardly eats any breakfast at all. "How are you surviving such a long day, with SO MUCH ENERGY, and only on about 100 calories?!"

When we got home, she would tell me that she was hungry (obviously) so I would make her eat her lunch from her lunchbox, and she would happily eat all of it in its entirety. So, she would eat it at home, but just not at the table with her friends at school.

A few weeks ago, her teacher mentioned it to me. "All of a sudden, she's not eating her lunch anymore." I know. We agreed she's distracted and wants to play. I told her I'd discuss it more with Ellie. So, Thursday morning, as I was making her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to go into her lunchbox, I laid down the law:

"Ellie. Look at me. You have to eat all of your sandwich at lunch today. No matter what. You HAVE to eat ALL your sandwich. If you don't, then there will be NO SHOWS and NO iPAD for the rest of the day. Do you understand?"


"So what do you have to do?"

"Eat my sandwich."

"And what happens if you don't eat your sandwich?"

"No shows. No iPad."

"That's right."

We went over it again right before she got out of the car to go into school.

So, sure enough, she happily jumped into the car at 2:30 that afternoon with a big, happy declaration:


And I believed her, because she is easily bribed with television shows. I congratulated her and told her she did a good job. However, as our drive home went on, I began to get the sense that maybe she wasn't being entirely truthful.

"Mommy? Are you gonna be mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?"


5 minutes later

"Hey, Mommy? I don't want you to look in my lunchbox."

"But I thought you ate your sandwich?"

"I did. But Mommy, I don't want you to tell me that I didn't eat my sandwich. That makes me very frustrated."

So for the rest of the drive home, we had a big talk about what a lie is and what the truth is. I gave examples of truths and lies. I explained that we can't tell lies to mommy and daddy - that lying isn't nice and that we aren't allowed to lie. I told her that even the Bible tells us not to lie. She understood the concept.

"So, I'm gonna ask you one more time. Did you eat your sandwich?"


It was at this point that I texted Grant.

Me: Are you at home?
Grant: Yes
Me: Okay. We are in the neighborhood. I think I'm about to catch her in her first lie.
Grant: Awesome. I'll be there.

So we walk in. I pull her lunchbox out. I ask one more time. I explain what a lie is one more time. And I tell her that if she didn't eat her sandwich she will also have to go to time out for a long time. DID YOU EAT YOUR SANDWICH?


"ELLIE. THIS IS A LIE. You lied to Mommy."

"Here. Give it to me. I eat my sandwich right now and then I watch a show, okay?"

So she had no shows all day, and no iPad, AND she had time out AND she had to eat her sandwich for dinner AND we had about 10 lectures about lying. I'm not sure if she got it or not. I know she just doesn't want to get into trouble.

I emailed her teacher and we will be repeating this whole process again on Tuesday. She has to eat her lunch, and her teacher will remind her of that. Sigh.

So, it happened. At least it's done. I feel such a huge responsibility to make sure she turns out to be a decent human with an honest heart. I guess that job starts now. 

Parenting is fun!

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Why I Have to Watch Grey's Anatomy

During a commercial break last Thursday night, I said to Grant "I think I'm going to write a blog about why I have to watch Grey's Anatomy after all these years."

"Yeah, but then you'd have to admit that you still watch Grey's Anatomy."

"I know."

In March of 2005, Tiffany and I were sitting in our apartment in Denton. We had just finished watching another show, and immediately after it was over a new show called Grey's Anatomy began. We sat there in our first apartment, enthralled with the first Shonda Rhimes show any of us had ever seen. We loved it. It was our new favorite show.

Fast forward to 2016. Life is a little different than it was in March 2005. I'm no longer dating Grant. I got engaged to him and then married to him and then we moved to Louisiana and then we moved to Houston and then we moved to Katy and we've had 2 kids AND THAT DANG SHOW IS STILL ON.

I've thought about it, and I've watched Grey's Anatomy in 7 different homes that I've lived in over the last 11 years. The show has followed me everywhere.

And can I be honest about something?

I'm ready for it to be over.

It's gone on too long.

When it started we had Meredith, Derek, the Chief, Bailey, Izzy, Karev, Cristina, Burke and George. Here they are in their little baby face glory days:

Let's talk about each of them and what they are up to now:

Burke: Gone. Quit the hospital (due to much publicized real life drama and bad behavior on set by Isaiah Washington)
Bailey: Still there. She's the Chief now!
Cristina Yang: Gone. In Switzerland, I believe doing cardio miracles. I miss her every single episode.
Chief Webber:  Still there. Not the Chief anymore.
George: Died - hit by a bus.
Izzy: Gone. Married Denny, Denny died, she saw dead Denny because of a brain tumor, got cancer, married Karev, divorced Karev and left.
Karev: Still there.
Derek Shepherd: Dead and gone.
Meredith Grey: Still there, has 3 kids, but has seen more near death experiences than any human should have to see in their lifetime. We will get to that later.

So, in summary, of the original cast only FOUR of them are still on the show. Since then, about 900 characters have come and gone.

Others who have died tragically:
Mark Sloan
Lexi Grey
Adele Webber
Henry (Teddy's husband) (Remember Teddy? She left too)
Ellis Grey
Heather (the girl from Corrina Corrina) (she was electrocuted)

And this doesn't even touch those that came, stayed awhile, and then left.... like Addison Montgomery Shepherd, Teddy, Hahn (remember Hahn? she dated Callie for awhile and then just disappeared?)

This is the cast that changes all the time. We've had a few add ons that have stayed for quite awhile - Callie Torres, Arizona Robbins, Owen Hunt, April, and Jackson to name a few.

Here's the current cast:

Now, let's discuss the ridiculousness that these people have endured:

Major car crashes
A bomb in the hospital
Ambulance crashes
Shooter in the hospital
Fire in the hospital
A violent attack by a patient
Near drowning

And those are just the ones I can remember. This brings me to the point of this blog - WHY AM I STILL WATCHING THIS?

I've had plenty of opportunities to leave. On the Grey's Anatomy highway, there have been plenty of exits. I could've left when Izzie started seeing Dead Denny in the halls of Seattle Grace. I could've left when Mark Sloan died BECAUSE I WAS SO ANGRY. I could've bailed after Derek died BECAUSE WHY. I could've left when Meredith had her 9th near death experience because this is getting redundant.

But here's the thing.

I can't stop now.

I can't stop watching now.

It's like bailing from a marathon at 25 miles. It's almost done, right? It has to be done at some point, right? It's not gonna be like Days of our Lives and I'm going to watch Meredith Grey move into an Assisted Living Community, right?

I can't stop now. I've got to see it through to the end. I will endure. I'm in it for the long haul - but I just hope that comes quickly!

Monday, February 15, 2016

Red Carpet Recap: Grammys 2016

Let me preface this with a few disclaimers:

1. I do not know who 90% of these people are. I'm sure they are all lovely but I do not know their names or how they have contributed to the music world in the last year.

2. I usually like to keep this blog pretty PG but some of these outfits are rated R and I'm sorry about that. I am just as shocked as you are. Minor panic attacks happening. So many ta-ta's and hoo-hoo's are soooo close to revealing themselves. It makes me all kinds of nervous.

3. This probably won't be very funny. There's just going to be a lot of me being confused and wondering who these people are and why they thought this was okay to wear. The Grammy's stress me out, man.

4. Clearly they all got some kind of memo about how it is suggested that they wear black, white, or a combination of the two. There are a LOT of black dresses tonight - which you would think would mean they would be very classy looking but THAT IS NOT THE CASE.

Okay, let's begin.


I kinda think she is adorable. She got dressed up for the Grammy's y'all. 

One of the more subdued looks from the evening. Her eye makeup is fab. 


Y'all, how does this even happen? Is she using tape to pull them apart? I am just fascinated by this concept. I mean that is a lot of chest. Her hair and her nails and her shoes match. Okay, I'm done here.

Why wear a tie when you can wear a black doily?

According to my minimal research, these two dapper gentlemen are a musical duo. They are a band. However, they clearly did not agree when it came time to decide what they would be wearing. Brother #1 was determined to wear his maroon tuxedo while Brother #2 was like "No thanks, I'd like to look like a grounds keeper at St. Andrews from the late 19th century."


A beautiful blonde pineapple.

Carrie is looking mighty skinny tonight, folks. 

No one can accuse him of not being invited tonight, HE'S GOT HIS TICKET RIGHT THERE IN HIS POCKET.

Charlie Puth in a Schnazzy Suit!

I'd like to wear a cape someday. I'd also like to wear those earrings. 


Necklace to die for. 

She decided to go ahead and bring her ferret. 

"I'd like for you to design a dress for me that looks like the walls of a toddler's bedroom."


Ladies and Gentlemen, Skinny McPencilArms. 

(Gorgeous dress.)

A gargoyle in pink platforms. 

This hurts my head. 

Uh... this is, uh... architectural?

Y'all. She had a straight up mullet. No lie. Is she there to pay honor to David Bowie? I don't know. 

Well this looks like a fun time. 


 And that's all I have to say about that. 

Color! Bravo!

I think Cinderella's stepsisters got to her before she left the house.

 Ma'am. This isn't that kind of show. 

I like this. It's like a starry, starry night. 

He's wearing a lavender tuxahdo. 



Taylor. I like your hair. I like your necklace. But what is happening here. You're wearing a pair of pink panties with a skirt attached. 

Can we just have a moment about something here? My friend Nathan directed me to this picture of his friend who is a Baylor graduate and a nominee tonight for a Grammy award. Let's see what he and his date chose to wear tonight:

That is what normal human people wear to things like this. They are lovely. Goodness gracious. It's not that hard, people! WHY ARE WE WEARING WEIRD THINGS

 Thank you for wearing a color. 

Travis Barker arrived with child version of Bieber and also a "My Size Barbie"

Your hair has a gorilla coming out of it. 

I'm sorry. This was not my best work but WHAT A NIGHT. I need to go lay down. I'm exhausted.