Sunday, March 2, 2014

Red Carpet Recap: Oscars 2014

Let's start by saying that I am currently sitting my lazy butt on my big couch under a big blanket. And I ate tamales with chili and cheese and tortilla chips tonight. And I am wearing a big t-shirt because it is Grant's and it is soft. And I'm wearing grey pajama pants cause they have an elastic waistband which is helpful with the whole tamale-eating after effects. I just wanted to state those facts because I need you all to know that I am aware of my current state as I sit here and cast judgment on these beautiful, skinny people wearing divine evening gowns and dripping with jewels. 

I loved watching the Red Carpet tonight. I had a couple moments where I talked to the TV. And by "a couple moments" I mean the whole time. So, as has been a tradition around here, let's look at some pictures and I will share my thoughts via sarcasm and sentence fragments. 

This is the adorable Amy Adams. The silhouette of this dress is just perfection. Great color on her. I would like to see what it looks like with a necklace. But all in all, great choice!

 Anna Kendrick is 7 different kinds of darling. Seriously. A doll. 

Anne is in a great dress for a presenter. It really shimmered on stage. However, I think I'm ready for her to grow her hair back out. 

This dress is so feminine and delicate. Really lovely.

Oh, Cate. She always, always chooses such a timeless look. MOVIE STAR, right there. Perfection.

THE NECKLACE.  I can't even.

KRISTIN CHENOWETH, ladies and gentleman. This dress is AMAZING. The beading. So dang fabulous. And she is fabulous. And she came with her boyfriend and I'm super happy for her about that. 

 Mr. Channing Tatum, winning at the Handsome Contest. And his wife, Jenna, who made all the right decisions with this look. Flawless.

I mean really. Look. Can you imagine wearing something like this? Could you just die?

GREAT hair.

Y'all. This is so, so pretty. And I can't even talk about her hair. Okay, yes I can. HER HAIR IS HOW I WANT MY HAIR TO LOOK EVERYDAY. LIKE, NOT IN THIS PONY TAIL IT IS IN RIGHT NOW. I WANT HER HAIR. I. WANT. IT.

I audibly gasped when I saw Giuliana's dress. Because I'm dramatic like that. 


This is giving me contractions.


Jennifer Lawrence. Her necklace looked super amazing from the back, too. Didn't love her hair, but all in all I love her. I kinda feel like she has worn this color at a red carpet last year maybe? 

Well, look at the Pitt-Jolies. So nice of them to join us. 


What do you call this thing on her shoulders? Is that a cape? It's kinda cool, right?


Olivia Pope, y'all. Super pregs and super precious. She is so stinkin' gorgeous I can't even handle.

This is hands down one of my favorites of the night. It was so delicate and intricate and she really knows how to do a red carpet right. SO pretty.

Just so classy and elegant.

I kinda want to wear this around my house. And do some jazzy kicks. 

I wish the true color of this dress was picked up in the photographs. I couldn't find a picture that did the color justice. It was the most beautiful, vibrant blue. And her headband... WOW.

Mr. & Mrs. McConaughey. Doing the Oscars right. She's just a little tiny bit gorgeous.

Do we usually see her hair up? I don't know, but I think it looks beautiful. Her skin is amazing.

 This is exactly how I looked when I was pregnant.

 Hi. You are all one color.


Sandra Bullock. Navy blue is amazing on her. And the cut of this dress. And her hair. And her earrings. And I feel like I should mention the hair one more time. HER HAIR.

Winners of the night (in my esteemed opinion): Sandra Bullock, Mrs. Channing Tatum, Giuliana Rancic, Cate Blanchett, Kristen Bell, Jennifer Garner, and Kristin Chenoweth.

Share your thoughts, y'all. Thanks for reading :)


  1. You always come through!! Amy Adams was my favorite. I haven't watched the Oscars in years. Just read your fashion editorial. :)

  2. I feel like we would just be great friends in real life. I also yelled at the TV last night, a few times/constantly. I talked to Sandy for her fab hair secrets. I asked Meryl how she has better skin at 64 years old than I do at 28. I told Jen Garner that she looked fabulous and that I was missing her own arm candy, Hubby Affleck. And I feel that, just like you, when I am someday pregnant, I will also look exactly perfect as Olivia Wilde.

    You never fail to crack me up with your red carper commentary!!

  3. I totally agree with most of what you said but here are my thoughts:

    Amy-let your hair down girl,that updo is a no.
    Anne-Same haircut as Ethan.
    Prego lady in blue = kangaroo pouch.
    2014-the year of the peplum?
    Angelina-MOB dress.
    Skinny McPencil-WAY TOO THIN.
    Liza-needs a bra. And why you cutting on your face dear one?
    Meryl-skin is amazing, hair up is not.

    Love you Jen!

  4. The preggo lady in the sack thing? Yeah ... I think ... I just ... I ... nuthin. I got nuthin. Cause mama said if you can't say something nice ...

    Also, Liza ... sweetie ... you are 912 years old. A bra would not kill you.

    Just sayin.

    PS - yours are my favorite re-caps evah!

  5. Pregnant woman in the blue dress on Thor's arm: WTF. You look like someone photoshopped a beautiful woman's head and dress onto a redneck's body type. There are better maternity dresses out there that make you look like you are carrying the miracle you are instead of a keg!