Sunday, February 22, 2015

Oscars Red Carpet 2015

Let's start with some general thoughts:

1. Everyone at the Oscar's need to give me their earrings. I must have all of their earrings. They should all win an Oscar for their fabulous earrings.
2. Everyone has lost 37 pounds since last year. 
3. I watched this while eating goldfish crackers and a rice krispy treat. 
4. This year's show was overwhelmingly boring. 
5. Except, um, hi there, Lady Gaga, WHY HAVE YOU NOT BEEN SINGING LIKE THAT ALL THIS TIME?! 
6. I said "shut it down, please" on more than one occasion this evening. This might've been the longest Oscars ever. 
7. I admittedly have not seen ANY of these movies. I have, however, watched the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode where they go into space and meet Martian Mickey about 4 times in the last week.
8. Matthew McConaughey's beard is icky. 

While the show was boring, the red carpet was not. Lucky me!

And, we're off!

These are some exceptionally pretty people. Her dress is so cool and she is so skinny and her necklace is wonderful and words can not express how jealous I am of her arms. 
And he's not bad looking either.

Sigh. She's so pretty. All the time. 

I love when people wear fancy, sparkling, Cinderella dresses to the Oscars. 

I don't know who this is, but I simply had to find out. Apparently her name is Blanca Blanco and she has a whole lot going on here. 

I LOVE THIS LOOK. One of my favorite things she's ever worn on the carpet. I love the train and the cut and the GORGEOUS NECKLACE OH MY WORD. Well done, Cate!

I don't think we've ever seen Jessica Chastain in a dress like this, but it's different and I love the color and I love her necklace and she makes me want to grow my hair out again. 

This is Chloe, and she made her Oscar dress out of bedsheets. 

This is all very harsh and the dark lips are weirding me out. 

Baby, you're a firework.

And then Laura Dern arrived wearing a suit of armor.

I don't know who this is with Eddie Murphy but she and her dress are absolutely stunning.

Look at sweet Emma Stone looking all gorgeous and like a movie star. I don't love her haircut but I am willing to overlook it because she's so dang adorable. 

Faith, darling! I was so excited to see her! But, I don't love her hair :(

Faith and Tim weigh 110 pounds collectively.

Seriously, Tim? Are you okay? Can we do anything to help you? Some carbohydrates? A life coach, perhaps?

A ballgown! Hooray!

I have a lot of questions about this and the answers to all of them are "NO."
Oh, let's take a beautiful dress and add some wonky cut to the shoulders and also RED LEATHER GLOVES BECAUSE WHY WOULD WE WANT TO MAKE SENSE?! And, again, again I say, LADY GAGA, PLEASE SING LIKE THAT MORE OFTEN. HOLY MOLY, the girl can SING y'all! Honestly, I was all kinds of nervous when the song started because Lady Gaga and Julie Andrews are about as different as Kid Rock and Josh Groban. But she blew me away. Well done! 

Moving on to Gwyneth. 

Gwyneth wants to know if you will accept this rose. 

I imagine Ethan Hawke and his wife had a conversation in the limo on the way to the Oscars that went something like this: "Ethan, honey, I feel like I blink in pictures all the time. I hope I don't have my eyes closed in all the red carpet pictures. I think I'm going to try really hard not to blink."

This is a boy from "How to Get Away With Murder". I have no idea what he is doing at the Academy Awards. I also have no idea why he's chosen such a textured jacket. 

I'm sorry, but she looks absolutely amazing. 

This dress is so impressive. I think it is a little too much exactly like her skin tone, but it is gorgeous nevertheless. 

I keep staring at this because I'm not sure how I feel about it. How do you feel about it? I feel like there are Oreos lining her dress. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. 

Michael Keaton was my first Batman. Just thought that should be mentioned. 

Oh, Keira. I thought after the Golden Globes that you would rethink some of your choices. But then you went and picked a dress with words on it. You picked a dress with words on it, Keira. 

"This is what I've chosen to do with my arms."

Fun color. Fun girl.

Olivia Pope, ladies and gentlemen. She is stunning per usual, but this dress reminds me of some bridesmaid dresses I wore in the early 2000's. 

Jared Leto thought this was a prom.

Flawless, Lupita. Flawless. All of it. 

This dress is gorgeous and the necklace makes the whole thing amazing. I want her hair. 

She needed some bracelets or something.

One year I expect Meryl to just show up in jeans or something. It's all so very "meh" to her. 

This dress looked like bricks to me. Very shiny, shimmery, silver bricks. 

The red belt is surprising, but she looks amazingly put together, as always.

I don't know who this is, but I have a few thoughts:
1. It's quite clear that she's made a conscious decision to not smile. It was a bad choice.
2. The red and black floral reminds me of a dress I bought in 1997 at 5-7-9 in Willowbrook Mall.

The chest region looks very intense. I feel like when she gets home tonight and takes that bra off she is going to be so happy. 

Beautiful dress. She looks great in red!

Isn't he darling?

(I realize I did that joke for the last recap. But I will continue to do it as long as these boys continue to wear nahvy blue tuxahdos. Prepare yourselves.)

(Also, his reaction and his speech were fantastic) (I clapped) 

Reese. You are beautiful but this is underwhelming. 

If I could ever go to the Academy Awards, I'd like to think I'd wear something like this. 

This flesh color was very popular this year. I do not love it. 

His wife is cute! 

The necklace is too much, Scarlet. It's just too much. But the green is an excellent choice!

And the Oscar for Best Eye Makeup at the 2015 Academy Awards goes to.....


They always look so, so great. 

I change my mind! I want to wear something like this on the red carpet if I were ever to go. And I'd wear it with a jaw-dropping necklace.

Uncle Jesse is not aging at all. 

Again with the flesh tones. But also, she is so gorgeous all the dang time. 

Please share with me your thoughts and opinions, even if we differ on a few, and send your friends on over. I love a lively discussion. Perhaps we can continue to discuss if we expected that from Lady Gaga? I mean really!

 Have a great week, my friends!


  1. I must confess we don't really watch award shows (because Sergio has drawn the line there, ha!) but really-- why would I
    even need to with your recaps available to me?! THE BEST. So I searched for Lady Gaga's
    performance after reading this and saw a clip of her singing and WHOA. So AMAZING! And then Julie Andrews hugging her and saying it
    warmed her heart. What?! SO GREAT! And also this picture I felt the need to attach... Emma Stone and Jen Aniston...does it get any better?

  2. I mean, that last picture isn't really flesh toned, because it's not HER flesh tone. So I don't think that counts ;P Also, Lady Gaga will never compare to Julie Andrews. Even though she has a nice voice, I don't think anyone could ever sound as good as Miss Julie. And I'm not prejudiced at all ;P

  3. I mean why did they get so skinny?! It's bananas! Thanks for reading :)