Monday, February 15, 2016

Red Carpet Recap: Grammys 2016

Let me preface this with a few disclaimers:

1. I do not know who 90% of these people are. I'm sure they are all lovely but I do not know their names or how they have contributed to the music world in the last year.

2. I usually like to keep this blog pretty PG but some of these outfits are rated R and I'm sorry about that. I am just as shocked as you are. Minor panic attacks happening. So many ta-ta's and hoo-hoo's are soooo close to revealing themselves. It makes me all kinds of nervous.

3. This probably won't be very funny. There's just going to be a lot of me being confused and wondering who these people are and why they thought this was okay to wear. The Grammy's stress me out, man.

4. Clearly they all got some kind of memo about how it is suggested that they wear black, white, or a combination of the two. There are a LOT of black dresses tonight - which you would think would mean they would be very classy looking but THAT IS NOT THE CASE.

Okay, let's begin.


HELLO. 
IT'S HER. 


I kinda think she is adorable. She got dressed up for the Grammy's y'all. 


One of the more subdued looks from the evening. Her eye makeup is fab. 


ARIANA. QUIT DOING THE SAME DANG THING WITH YOUR HAIR FOR EVERY SINGLE RED CARPET EVENT. BRANCH. OUT. SISTER. Thank you very much okay bye. 


Y'all, how does this even happen? Is she using tape to pull them apart? I am just fascinated by this concept. I mean that is a lot of chest. Her hair and her nails and her shoes match. Okay, I'm done here.


Why wear a tie when you can wear a black doily?

According to my minimal research, these two dapper gentlemen are a musical duo. They are a band. However, they clearly did not agree when it came time to decide what they would be wearing. Brother #1 was determined to wear his maroon tuxedo while Brother #2 was like "No thanks, I'd like to look like a grounds keeper at St. Andrews from the late 19th century."


FANCY PANTS McGEE!


A beautiful blonde pineapple.


Carrie is looking mighty skinny tonight, folks. 


No one can accuse him of not being invited tonight, HE'S GOT HIS TICKET RIGHT THERE IN HIS POCKET.


Charlie Puth in a Schnazzy Suit!


I'd like to wear a cape someday. I'd also like to wear those earrings. 


Y'all. THAT IS HER ENTIRE LEG. Like, THE WHOLE THING. 


Necklace to die for. 



She decided to go ahead and bring her ferret. 


"I'd like for you to design a dress for me that looks like the walls of a toddler's bedroom."


Ms. FRIZZLE HAS ARRIVED ON HER MAGIC SCHOOL BUS.



Ladies and Gentlemen, Skinny McPencilArms. 


(Gorgeous dress.)


A gargoyle in pink platforms. 


This hurts my head. 


Uh... this is, uh... architectural?


Y'all. She had a straight up mullet. No lie. Is she there to pay honor to David Bowie? I don't know. 
I DON'T KNOW. 


Well this looks like a fun time. 


HELP ME. HELP ME. HELP. 




 And that's all I have to say about that. 


Color! Bravo!


I think Cinderella's stepsisters got to her before she left the house.


 Ma'am. This isn't that kind of show. 

I like this. It's like a starry, starry night. 

He's wearing a lavender tuxahdo. 

Pretty. 


WHO COMES UP WITH THIS STUFF


Taylor. I like your hair. I like your necklace. But what is happening here. You're wearing a pair of pink panties with a skirt attached. 

Can we just have a moment about something here? My friend Nathan directed me to this picture of his friend who is a Baylor graduate and a nominee tonight for a Grammy award. Let's see what he and his date chose to wear tonight:


That is what normal human people wear to things like this. They are lovely. Goodness gracious. It's not that hard, people! WHY ARE WE WEARING WEIRD THINGS

 Thank you for wearing a color. 

Travis Barker arrived with child version of Bieber and also a "My Size Barbie"

Your hair has a gorilla coming out of it. 

I'm sorry. This was not my best work but WHAT A NIGHT. I need to go lay down. I'm exhausted.

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