Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Maybe I Could Win the Gold Medal in "Friends" Trivia

There are many things I am good at. You could even call me talented in some areas. I can teach piano lessons and I can direct a children's choir and I can name the 50 states in alphabetical order (and sing them as well!). I can write a response to an essay question in 5 minutes or less and I can name my homeroom teacher from Kindergarten-12th grade. I also type quite fast.

But there is a certain department of skill and technique that I am at the lowest of the low. When the Lord created me, for some reason that is according to His perfect plan and perfect will, He made me to be the complete opposite of anything resembling athleticism.

This is so far from an exaggeration, you have no idea. I am not interested in sports. I do not understand sports. I do not care about sports. The only sporting event I can actually enjoy is a baseball game and that is pretty much because there is alot of hot dogs at baseball games and also the baseball players are easy on the eyes, if you know what I mean. The uniforms are hot. There, I said it.

As a child, I never played any kind of organized sport. Nor did I have any desire to. I mean, even Lindsee played on a soccer team. Granted, she just stood there and then proceeded to run away from the ball, but I mean, she showed up.

In P.E. class growing up, I did all I could to not participate. In middle school, our coach would take us out to the track and tell us to "Jog the long, Walk the Short".... in other words you only had to jog on the long part of the track and you could take a breather on the short parts. Now, our P.E. class was 90 minutes long (I know, right?!) and the whole jogging the longs got a bit old for me. So I pretty much walked the long and then on the shorts I would kinda move my arms and pick up my legs a bit more to give the idea of jogging but I really wasn't going any faster.

One day, Coach Cowart (bless him) told me that if I didn't start jogging the longs I would have to go over off to the side and "hug that tree over there" for the rest of the class period.

Um.... really? Done.

So many afternoons I would enjoy the breeze and the shade as I hugged a large oak tree. Coach Cowart thought he was punishing me but he gave me the best gift in the world.

In highschool, I took dance. And while I was coordinated.... the cardio stuff killed me. I can fake a sit up like nothing you have ever seen.

In college, I took ballet. My arms and legs looked fabulous and it required no sweating. There was one time that a guy friend of mine BEGGED me to show up to his flag football game since it is co-ed and one of their girls bailed and it was the finals and they would have to forfeit if a girl didn't come. I kindly informed him that he really really really did not want to pick me to do this. He said "all you have to do is stand there".

Long story short, at one point in the game a guy tossed a football to me that I miraculously caught..... and as I surveyed the wonderous amounts of college boys charging at me, I subsequently hugged the football to my chest and sat down indian style. Like I said, I don't understand sports nor do I care to.

All this being said, imagine my surprise when I went to the gym last night and ran 5 EVER LOVING MILES on the elliptical machine.

Maybe it was due to the fact that I was watching Entertainment Tonight and was so caught up in Willie Ames (from Charles in Charge!) becoming a financial advisor that I got distracted. Maybe it was because I was wearing a t-shirt from highschool and it brought me back to my days of youth. Maybe it was because I knew what I was going to make for dinner when we got home and I knew it was going to be good and I was running to prepare myself for the glorious food that we were going to partake of.

All I know is that everyone was cheering me on and making a big deal of how far I was going and at what speed and I'm really nervous that people are going to expect this from me in the future. I am 99% certain that that was a fluke and will never happen again for as long as I live.

But then again, what if the Lord has decided to give me the power and endurance to do this all the time now and my arms and legs will get toned again?! How crazy cool would that be?!

Also, did you know Chandler Bing's middle name is Muriel?


  1. YES! I did know about Muriel. Chandler M. Bing! Hehe good episode.

    Love you dear!

  2. Could you BE any funnier?
    Cracking me up, friend!

  3. Who was cheering you on? I want that gym. I loved the tree hugging part.