Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Reddish Blonde Moments

So I know I'm not really a blonde, but I am here to confess that I do indeed have blonde moments. I think it's time that I get it all out there, lay it all out on the table. I'm all about being real, y'all. I realize that after you read all these, you may decide to no longer be a JentheNewlywed reader, and I understand. You didn't realize you were reading the blog of a stupid person.

1. When I was in junior high and my sister Jaclyn was in high school, she was driving us up to the church in her cute little purple Saturn. As we turned onto a dirt driveway, we were startled when a rusty old chain slammed onto the hood of her car. We hadn't seen the chain since it was the same color as the dirt. Well, after we screamed for 20 seconds, Jaclyn asked "What should I do?". I looked to the left and right of the car and decided that we shouldn't reverse into oncoming traffic, that would be dangerous. So at this moment I said "Just keep driving!". Jaclyn gunned it and the old, rusty, metal chain scraped all the way up the hood, all the way up and over the windshield, screeched across the roof of the car and then dropped down and ripped the spoiler off the back. It was a shining moment for us. Daddy was thrilled.

2. In junior high, I had a birthday party at my house for a friend of mine. We were all in the backyard eating chocolate cake when 2 of the boys started having a cake fight. After they were well covered in cake, one of them decided to jump in the pool to wash off. Huge chuncks of chocolate cake were floating around in the pool and I was so scared I was going to get into trouble. So, I ran around back and started messing with the pump until the pool cleaner started moving. It quickly removed any evidence of chocolate cake in our pool and I thought I solved the problem. Until the next morning when my dad woke me up asking why the spa was now empty. I had pushed and pulled so many levers that I drained the spa. He was livid. That was probably the worst trouble I was ever in.

3. Recently, while on an airplane with Grant, coke spewed out of his nose when I said "It's so crazy how we are like 35,000 miles in the sky". Not feet. Miles. I have no concept of space.

4. Did you know that the yellow line you see on the field when you're watching a football game is not really there? They put that in digitally!

5. In highschool, I was taking a biology test when the following essay question appeared: "Explain your thoughts, opinions, and solutions for global warming". I had not paid attention at all in class and had no earthly idea what global warming was. So, I wrote one, brief sentence for my essay answer: "I think we should not do it". My teacher just put a big fat X over my answer and I was awarded no points.

6. There have many times in my life when I will sit at a stopSIGN for up to a minute, waiting for a light to change before I realize that there is no light and I can just go ahead and go.

7. Many times I will run into a gas station to purchase a bottle of water or a pack of gum or many bags of M&Ms. I will purchase the items and then bolt out the door, leaving my items on the counter. What can I say, I like to donate money to convenience stores.

8. I still have to count on my fingers.

9. The other night, Grant was talking about his workout at the gym and said, "I did several sets of rows tonight". For some unknown reason, I heard "I did several sets of rose tonight". We went back and forth several times with me saying over and over again "what do you mean you did several sets of rose? I don't get it!".

10. I was really upset one day when I was in Target and an XL shirt fit me. I was so upset and thought that I needed to have a gastric bypass immediately. Shortly thereafter I realized I was wearing a child's shirt!

So spill it.... what are some of your blonde moments? Please comment and let me know that I am not the only idiot out there! Lindsee, there is no need for you to comment. I know all of your ditzy moments. And there are so many....


  1. How about when I walked up to our cart in the grocery store checkout line while reading a box of brownie mix and proceeded to lean against it while rifling through the cart giving wierd looks at the bag of blueberries I KNEW I didn't put in the cart. I hear my sweet hubby's voice "Hey babe," and then I look up to see that he is standing in the next checkout lane over while I am leaning against a strange man's cart as the poor man is giving me a very dirty look. What can I say? They were wearing the same color shirt?? BLONDEEEEE.....

  2. ha! i am cracking up! Dad, if you are reading this, sorry about the chain don't think we really thought that move through too well.

  3. When I was in college and had been married for a year, my husband and I were driving to Louisiana to visit family. We past an exit that read, "Frontage Rd." I, truly did say, "WOW! We have a road named that exact same thing by us!" HA!!! :)

  4. When we were watching an episode of the Office recently, and Michael Scott wrote down "koi pond" on his Do-not-mock list, I busted out laughing because I thought he was having a stupid Michael moment by spelling koi wrong. Greg was like - uh, that is how you spell did you think you spell it? I was thinking C-O-Y. Oops. Who knew.

  5. First of all, speaking as a blond, we really aren't all that dumb.

    BUT, number 4 cracked me up. You are still cute, red headed with blond highlights and all.

  6. Well whenever someone tells me to ' take a right' when driving, I have to put my index finger and thumb at a right angle to see which hand makes an 'L' for left, otherwise there is just no telling.

    I also once asked 'how do they get the corn to stick on the cob?!' since I figured they grew like berries or something...

    Hah highlights have been amusing tim for three years, since I get ditzier all the time!

  7. I think it isn't fair that Lindsee got to leave a no comment comment!!

    One time I ran through a sliding glass door.

    And when Chris and I were watching Planet Earth, it was about really big salamanders or something and I shouted out, "Can you imagine the size of FROG they will turn into."

    I think I wrote my third blog post on that.

  8. I say we meet up for ice cream, not coffee, cause I do not like coffee and I will tell you some of my blonde moments!! :) You are hilarious!

  9. Today, I was in the gift shop at the hospital. As I walked toward the drink case, another woman was walking towards me. I smiled and said "Hello." Friendly of me, right?

    It was a mirror.

    I also laughed at Michael Scott for spelling Koi wrong.

  10. when I was in highschool and learning how to drive, my mom let me drive her car to the grocery store with her and my little brother. My little brother was making me very upset by making fun of me (like all little brothers do). There was a ratty car in front of me with lights blinking out of both tail lights. I was so upset I yelled at my brother telling him to shut up and said "I wish this stupid car would just pick a blinker!!!" To which my mom informed me were hazard lights. I still cannot live that one down in my family.

  11. and one more...(this happened last month)

    I took my dog to the vet to finish her puppy shots. When I came out of the office I proceeded to walk to what I thought was my car and put my key in it to unlock it. When it wouldnt unlock I paniced and tried and tried to unlock it. But nothing worked. I did not know what to do so I started to call my dad for help until I stepped away and saw that it was NOT my car but one exactly like it right next to mine! I also saw the lady sitting in it looking at me very weird. I was so embarrassed I just drove away as fast as I could! LOL