Thursday, September 11, 2014

Panic at the Front Door

I need to tell you about something that happened to me yesterday morning. It's been over 24 hours now so I'm feeling a little better and I think I can talk about it without breaking out in a sweat. It all started around 6:00am. Really, nothing good happens at that hour and this story is further proof that I should just stay in bed. 

I feel like I need to clarify something. I am not getting up and running at 6am because I am a super athlete or because I find it invigorating. No. That is not the case. I would rather run at a later time. Honestly, I wouldn't like to run at all but I'm doing a half-marathon in January because I'm crazy.  

Reasons I feel like 6am is the only time I can run:
1. Grant is home so he can stay with Ellie.
2. It's the coolest part of the day in terms of temperature and I don't feel like I'm going to die.

On days that Ellie is at "school," I run the (indoor) track at a gym and this is a much better situation. When the weather cools down some I will probably start running in the evenings when Grant is finished working. I just wanted to make it crystal clear that I am not doing this because I enjoy it.


Okay, moving on. 

When I am getting ready for my run at this ridiculous hour, my most important task is to remain silent. Just because I'm up at 5:45am doesn't mean my family should have to be up as well. So that means I have to do all I can can to keep the dog, the husband and the child asleep. It's a skill I have mastered. 

(Side note: Grant has to silently get ready and leave the house every once in awhile for work or golf or hunting or whatever... and a few weeks ago he opened the front door around 5am without disarming the security alarm and it was FULL SIRENS and he was sprinting trying to turn it off and then he came into the bedroom and whispered "I'm sorry" as Ellie started to stir and I said "You're going to die.")

(Can you feel the love tonight?)

So, I was in my running clothes, I had my headphones in and I was holding my iPhone trying to pick a song from my "Run" Playlist to start running to, and I silently and carefully opened the front door.

My headphones are in. I'm looking down at my phone. 




A frog descended from the heavens and landed on my chest.

And I was looking down at my phone.

So, out of nowhere, this frog (who I'm assuming was on the top of our front door frame) just landed on my chest, facing me. We were looking at one another. 

Once again,  I will remind you that I need to be really quiet. Everything in me told me to scream. But I did not scream.

I made a sound that can best be described as a very deep moan. 

And then I did something that can best be described as this:

Except maybe with more arm movements.

So after I flailed around a bit with my RiverDancing, the frog jumped off of me and landed in my entry way. 

However, now I needed to get him out the front door. I couldn't leave him in my entry way and then come back home and wonder where he was and was he attacking my baby and I just couldn't allow that. I AM A GOOD MOTHER.

So I started whispering "Shoo!" to him as a I waved him out the door, as if he would see my hand gesturing and fully understand that I was asking him to please leave my home.

I gently touched him with my foot to encourage him to leave and he jumped on my shoe.

And then I did the groan again and then I kicked very violently and he flew off of my shoe into the bushes outside of my front door.

And then I walked outside while clutching my chest and breathing heavily and this is the end of that story cause I'm starting to have flashbacks and I have to shut this down. 


  1. I vaguely remembered this story, but I forgot the gif and the "was he attacking my child", and basically now I have to clean up coffee from my desk.

    I have no clue why you're afraid of frogs, you silly thing, but this is a priceless story.