Thursday, January 29, 2015

And Not a Single Book Was Read That Day

First things first: Let's take care of some administrative business. I've gone and jacked everything up and people are emailing me and telling me I'm messing with their feeds, or something like that. All you need to know is, I got all fancy and got a new domain name. Because of this, those of you that follow my blog on Feedly or Bloglovin or things like that are no longer subscribed to this here little blog. So this is my PSA to let you know that you need to change your subscription. is the new address for So.Many.Words.

Look, I'll even give you some little Linkies.

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Okay, that's done. Moving right along with the things and the words.

I thought I'd share what happened yesterday in a little moment of life I'd like to call "Unrealistic Expectations."

I had just finished my coffee and was in a great mood. My little munchkin was in a Cinderella dress and twirling around. I realized I had absolutely nothing on the calendar and decided I needed to come up with something for us to do, or else we would end up staying in the house all day and achieving nothing productive whatsoever.

I decided we should take a little trip to the local library. In my mind, I envisioned sitting on a comfy chair, with Ellie in my lap, reading book after book after book. On the drive to the library, I made sure to spend some time talking to Ellie about quiet voices in libraries. She understood and even began whispering to me as we got out of the car.

"We at da li-bary, Mommy. We beeeee quiet, okay, Mommy? You understand?"

We walked in, and I didn't know quite what to expect in the children's area as I had never been to this particular branch before.


It wasn't so much a library as a Kid Crack zone.

Toys. Puzzles. Touch screen computers.

No one was reading books.

Everyone was loud.

I should've just left then and there.

My Ellie girl seemed very pleased with this little playground I had brought her to. There were AT LEAST 20 kids in this little area and she was fully on board with shoving her way into whatever she felt like she was entitled to do. Puzzle? Mine. Toy with all the buttons? Mine. Touch screen computer? Out of my way, kid. I'm here now, so it's time for you to go.

It was the polar opposite of peaceful. I tried to show her the books. She just started yelling "NO! NO!" and started pulling them off of the shelves, one by one. Then she would run up and down the book aisles saying "THE LI-BARY! THE LI-BARY!"

I finally admitted defeat to this particular battle and decided to give her a minute at a computer. Oh, let's touch every single button and yank on every cord and put our sticky fingers on every surface and bang as loud as I can while yelling MY COMPUTAH! MY COMPUTAH!" Error messages popped up on the screen faster than I could fix the issue she was creating.

I looked up to see a line of people waiting for a computer. I calmly whispered to Ellie that we had a lot of fun at the computer (or we possibly broke it beyond repair) and sweetly picked her up to pull her from the chair.

Arched back.

Shrill scream.

She plunged from my arms, did a handstand onto the ground and then promptly collapsed into a screaming ball of high drama.

I IMMEDIATELY said "Okay, that's it, we're leaving.."

I tried to pick her up but she wouldn't allow it. I ended up carrying her, screaming as loud as I've ever heard her scream (perhaps it was the high ceilings of the library lobby that really boosted the volume?) while holding onto her right arm and her right leg. Everything else just dangled.

Oh, the judgy eyes that I felt upon me.

I took her outside. We sat on the bench.

"Look at Mommy. ELLIE. ELLIE PAIGE. Look at Mommy. Look at my eyes. Okay. Listen. Calm down. Listen. We are at the library. The library is for books. You need to obey. We had to let someone else use the computer. If you don't be sweet, we don't get to go to places like the library. You need to be sweet and obey."

"No! No, I not be sweet! I NOT BE SWEET, I NOT OBEY TODAY, MOMMY. GO IN DA LI-BARY, MOMMY! GO. TO. LI. BA. RY. Mommy! Okay? You understand?!"

So it was at that moment that I marched her little behind to the car and buckled that girl in and cancelled that whole little excursion. We won't be going back for 3 or 36 months.

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