Thursday, February 25, 2010

I Sure Hope I Learn Something

I work in a tall office building. We are on the 2nd floor from the top. We are high.

Every office in our building has to have a fire marshall. The responsibilities of the office fire marshall is to stay calm, cool and collected and direct the employees out of the building.

My office has chosen me to be the fire marshall.

I guess they all want to die, because that is what is going to happen.

In the event of an actual fire, I will do the following:

1. Cry
2. Stop drop and roll, even if I am not on fire
3. Scream
4. Call/text Grant with "HOLY CRAP MY OFFICE IS ON FIRE"
5. "I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!!"
6. Run out of here and leave everyone else behind

I am often reminded of Dwight from "The Office" and how he is such an excellent fire marshall. We do have an employee here in our own office who is VERY Dwight-like. I emphatically suggested that we should pass the fire marshall torch on to him since he is more likely to save our lives, but was immediately shot down because "oh my gosh he would take it so seriously and drive us crazy".

So today, I am required to go sit in a 3 hour "High Rise Fire Marshall Training" class. THREE EVER LOVING HOURS. I want to know the following:

1. Am I gonna get a bathroom break? I've been drinking alot of water lately.
2. Can I pack a snack?
3. Are the other people in this class with me going to ask alot of questions and take this very seriously? Cause that would be really annoying.
4. Is it okay if I text my co-workers every fifteen minutes with "I hate all of you" ?
5. If I fake an asthma attack and have to leave, will they still certify me as trained?

I think I'm going to send out an email to my office and say that our Fire Policy here is "every man for himself".


  1. Lord help Jen's office should there ever be a fire. Thanks for the very funny mental picture. You crack me up!

  2. Oh sweet mercy! I should put your office on my prayer list in the event that any fire may occur. Would you please text me and let me know how your meeting goes? I wish I were there with you. We would laugh so hard we'd spit.

  3. hahahahaha! omg, you crack me up.
    they are lucky to have you there...such a leader :)

  4. This had me laughing out loud, so I guess it would be appropriate to say, "LOL."

    Hope you survive the meeting let alone the fire that may come!


  5. I was the fire marshall for the 30something floor in Williams Tower. I will say I loved the class, the guy who leads it is very entertaining. Let me guess he must have said about 1,000 times to "call 911 and not try and put the fire out yourself"?!? Am I right??

  6. I think you should hold monthly drills like we do at school.

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  8. I'm the event of a fire just think.... What would Dwight do to handle this? You are golden!