Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Way It Is

So I know you know that I watch "The Bachelor". I'm not gonna act like I don't when I do. And I also know that several of you watch it as well. I can name 10 people off the top of my head that read this blog that watch the show. I won't name names... but you know who you are.

Before I go on with this post, please know that I do not think that the premise of "The Bachelor" is a good idea for meeting a husband/wife and please know that I think 98% of it is ridiculous and fake. And something is said on this show just about every season by atleast one contestant that makes me all irritated and I find myself yelling at the television.

I've realized that perhaps one of the reasons so many marriages in this country and this world fall apart is due to the wrong perceptions and unmet expectations of what people think marriage is.

I say this because over the last few seasons of me watching this silly, silly show, I am constantly appalled at the way people answer this question:

"What do you want in a marriage"?

"I want to have someone to travel the world with".

"As a wife, what will you bring to the table?"

"I just want to be like two little kids in love, I want our life to be an adventure"

"How do you see us in 5 years?"

"I see us married with kids..."

"I see us traveling the world together"

"We will still be so in love"

"Every morning when I wake up, I just want to roll over and see you there and grab your face and say 'I LOVE YOU!"

Okay. So I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this but MARRIAGE A'INT LIKE THAT HONEY!!!

"Traveling the world together" doesn't fit in with full time jobs and lack of vacation days.

"I see us married with kids" doesn't factor in fertility problems.

"I just want to be like two little kids in love" is a nice idea but two little kids don't have a mortgage and responsibilities.

"I wanna roll over every morning and say 'I LOVE YOU'" doesn't work so well when you wake up at different times and the alarms are going off and you're running late and need to iron your shirt.

Please don't think I'm being jaded and cynical. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. I love marriage. I love my husband. I feel like we are so much better together than we are apart. I feel like I am so much better since I married him. I love our life. I love being a wife and I love our daily routine.

And yes, life is an adventure. But things are hard too. And it isn't all romance and world travel. It's getting up for work early. It's a flat tire. It's meeting me at the doctor's office while I have bloodwork done and making sure I have enough sugar to drive back to work. It's doing the dishes. It's dealing with family obligations. It's paying the bills. It's budgets. It's stressful days that end in arguments. It's hard work that results in a 9:00 bedtime.

And you know what? The last few days, I have fallen more deeply in love with my husband than I can explain. And why?

Because he told me to take a nap while he did the grocery shopping on Valentine's Day rather than buying me chocolates and roses and diamonds.

Because yesterday morning when I left for work I forgot to take my medicine and he saw all my pills laying on the kitchen counter and brought them to me at work.

Because when I had a minor meltdown last night he stood in the kitchen and hugged me before he went on his evening run.

Because last night as we were about to fall asleep, he rolled over and placed his hand on my stomach and prayed for my healing.

Because he talked to me today about the fact that I need to slow down a bit and not be so stressed and that my to-do list will always be long and that I need to relax.

Are all of these things wildly romantic? Not in a romance-novel kind of way. But my gosh, I've never been more certain that the man loves me and that I am beyond blessed to have him.

Yes, we had an amazing date night on Friday night. Yes, we have our fun romantic times too. Yes, there is adventure and spontaneity. Yes, we laugh together every single day. But most of the time, there is life.

And in my life, there is Grant. And he makes it all better.


  1. Well said, my friend! LOVE this!

    So you know I watch too. (Sucks me in every time, dang it!) Anyways, I've thought the same thing SO many times, especially this season. These people are clueless. And Vienna's comment about rolling over each morning, grabbing his face and yelling "I LOVE YOU." Wow - that just about did me in. Are you kidding me? All I can say is good luck with that one, sweetie.

    I'll take your kind of romance any day. PRAISE GOD for good, honorable, loving men that CHERISH us in the details.

    P.S. Love the blog background by the way. :)

  2. This is so good. It's what I want--trusting God.

    Have a wonderful evening.


  3. I'm clearly not married, but Amen times 100. Even I know that that's not realistic. All I know, is that homegirl could wind up being very dissappointed, and for that, I am so sad for her. But yet, I too continue to be sucked into the saga.

    I love you both to bits. I'm so thankful that the Lord blessed you with such a mighty, godly man.

  4. Amen to that sister, couldn't have said it better myself! Having someone to wipe my face off after I've tossed my cookies or to take the dogs for a walk when I'm too tired is WAY better to me than diamonds or roses! Hands down!

    Love you, I am praying for your belly :( And, I agree with Grantley, you DO need to slow down and smell those roses ;) You can only stretch yourself in so many directions! Love you dollface, miss you more than you know!

  5. Oh Jen this was so perfect. It is so the truth. And you are right it is those moments in a marriage that make it so wonderful

    Those girls need to say they envision a husband who will cherish them, take care of them, pick them up when they are down, pray for with them...etc.

    And if you get to go on a few vacation adventures, that is a plus. :)

  6. I really like you. Just plain, like you.
    And I love you too.
    Couldn't have said it better!

  7. Amen sister! I thank God for Russell when I watch the Bachelor or see so many of the marriages out there. We truly are blessed.